THEY SAY 'DON'T MEET YOUR HEROES'... BUT I DID!

That's the common phrase, isn't it? Don't meet your heroes. All because if you meet them, they may not be what you have always imagined them being and then you will live the rest of your life in disappointment. You spend years planning what you're going to say, what you're going to wear, and you set your expectations high with what you hope to get from it all. So, yes, if you spent all that time and effort to then be disappointed, it would be incredibly saddening. 

But then, why not take a risk? Go for it and just see. That's what I did and luckily for me, I wasn't disappointed. 

I have met many of my faves before now, and no, I'm not going to name drop, but none of them is the one man who I have poured all of my enthusiasm into for many, many years. That man is Martin Freeman. 

Now, with everybody else I have met, it has been fairly easy in doing so. Whether it be from them doing public events or conventions, with a purchase of a ticket, you're one step closer to meeting your idol. However, when it comes to Martin Freeman, it isn't so easy. The guy is incredibly humble and has stuck by his belief that he does not enjoy his fans paying for his attention. Which is the reason why you would never find Martin at a convention. He believes that if you are to ever meet him, he would prefer it if no money was to be involved. This brings difficulty if you ever want to meet Martin. Majority of the time, you have to rely on the pure luck of just bumping into him in London or something but for everybody, that obviously isn't doable. 

When it was announced that Martin was to be returning to theatre, it also came with the hope of him doing stage door - the only other way of meeting him. 

During his previous run of Richard III at Trafalgar Studios, he did stage door a couple of times but during that year, I wasn't living in London so I was unable to be staying out until 11 pm at night without the fear of missing my last train home. Not to mention I was still classed as a 'baby' and my parents wouldn’t have allowed such thing. 

Now we're in a different position. I'm 21, living on my own in London. It would be silly for me to not give it a go, right? And that's exactly what I did. 

I arrived at stage door a little before the performance had ended and was relieved to see that not many people had gathered just yet. It was making me feel a lot better over the sense that not of this was going to go right. I had built up a high wall of anxiety throughout the day, especially because I was doing all of this on my own. Leaving the flat at 9 pm? Giving me anxiety. Doing all of this on my own? Giving me anxiety. The thought of putting all of the efforts in and then being disappointed? Giving me anxiety. 

Just after 10:30 pm, a woman came out and announced that they were going to be putting up barriers. This, really, only meant one thing; Martin was going to definitely be doing stage door. With this announcement and the shuffle around of the group of people who were now there, my nerves were increasing and my hopes were decreasing. I was so close, SO CLOSE, to turning around and leaving. No matter how many times I told myself that I could do it, a bigger and louder voice was telling me I couldn't. I began to internally freak and seriously question whether I could do this, all on my own. My biggest problem? I allow people to push me around and walk all over me. Quite literally. So, when people began pushing slightly and moving around, I began to give up. I just allowed it to happen and my initial spot on the front row became being the third row instead. Thus, my hopes had hit rock bottom. "It isn't gonna happen," I kept telling myself. 

Then, with one glance down at my phone, a soft round of applause erupted from the people around me and when I lifted my gaze, there he was. HOLY SHIT. The realisation that the man I have adored for many years was there, in front of my eyes, began to settle in. And I felt… completely calm. WHY IS MY BODY AND MY BRAIN SO RIDICULOUSLY WEIRD?! 

Martin went back and forth, signing every programme and smiling for every selfie. My hopes were seriously fluctuating, not entirely sure still whether all of this was going to happen for me. But when the women in the front row moved after getting what they wanted, my chances skyrocketed and there I was, right in front of the man. I was filled with ultimate joy when he looked at me, catching his eyes for the very first time. "Hello!" Martin said incredibly enthusiastically as he began to sign my programme. "May I have a photo as well, please, if you wouldn’t mind?" I asked, my voice a lot quieter and timid than I had ever heard it before. This man deserved all of the kindness and calmness and his enthusiastic and hyperactive behaviour was the complete opposite of mine. But it was the very recipe that encouraged me to become more confident and that’s when I did. I became more confident in a split second and struck enough nerve to ask him for another photo as I wasn't happy with the first. 

"But I looked great in that!" Martin replied, a laugh on his lips as he expressed his sarcastic disappointment. 

"You do! You look great, you have nothing to worry about!" I replied, which resulted in a remark that will forever be etched in my memory. 

"You know it, babes." 

I stuck around for another mini conversation before it was time for me to move away to allow others to have their time. Do you know what fascinated me the most, though? The kindness of the entire situation. This was my first ever stage door experience and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I had anticipated screaming and shouting but there were applauds and kind words instead. It was quiet, it was calm, it was really, really nice. 

I stuck around to watch the rest of the crowd get their moment and upon Martin's departure back indoors, everybody waved him off with another applause. It was surreal and humbling and esuifhshfwef, just amazing. 

To touch upon a slightly more personal note, I am proud of myself. I am so freaking proud of myself for being able to do this. I did it. Despite telling myself all day and trying my hardest to convince myself not to bother, I did it. I combatted the voices that told me to not go out and enjoy myself and instead, I did the very thing and have the best time ever doing so. 

They say to never meet your heroes, but I did. And I don’t regret a single thing.