THE FINAL TWO MONTHS.

The day was always due to come but I just did not think that three years would go so fast. I am indeed talking about the time I have left living in London.

Back in 2015, when I moved away from home and settled in my little flat in London, I thought ahead at 2018 being ages away. I had ignored the repeated comments from former students who had said that their time at university flew by. Everybody said that, but it was guaranteed that once you were living through it, it was dragging.

But I should have listened. Because here we are, in 2018 and in two month’s time, I will be sitting my final assessments and examinations at university. Two months after that, I will be trying to get the perfect, cliché shot of me throwing my hat for Instagram.

And my feelings towards all of this? Bittersweet.

On one hand, I am so excited to be going home. To not just be visiting but to be going home, to be staying and never having to worry about booking a train back to London, ensuring I get back in time for work on the weekend, and uni on Monday. I will be home, and I will never have to leave. I will be with my family and will no longer be missing out on everything that happens on a weekend.

Over the last three years, I have missed out on a fair share of events with my family, purely because they have been on a weekend and that’s when I work. I am ready for that to no longer be a hurdle. I have two very young members of my family, one who is only four months old and I am missing out the important steps in his life. I feel excluded and it’s not nice.

But on the other hand, I know I’m going to miss being in London. Obviously, it does not take much to visit London. I am very lucky to only be around an hour away on a train, but it is not the same as living there. I will no longer have the entire West End on my doorstep. I will no longer be just around the corner from my friends.

And that’s the big one for me. Missing my friends.

I cannot estimate how often I will be able to visit London and it scares me to think that I will only be able to see my friends occasionally. I will have to plan a trip month ahead to ensure that it is doable, and affordable. I can no longer just have a day out, but it has to be a night away.

It’s going to be hard.

Graduating university will be the first step to becoming a proper adult, which means getting a proper job. This will yet be another limitation.

Most of you reading this may think of this as pathetic, but last year I spent just over two months away from London, away from my friends, and I was convinced I was going insane. Having to take the back seat and watch everybody else do things, whilst I was stuck at home performing jury service.

That’s what it’s going to be like, but permanently. Not just for two months. But forever.

I don’t really know the purpose of this blog post, but I just had to express my fears somewhere.

All I can do is hope that it all works out. Because I know that I will be putting in all the effort to be back often, to be with the people I love. To be by their side, even if I’m not local.

I don’t want 121 miles to get in the way.

I guess we'll see. 

Becca x